Once Bitten

Once bitten, twice shy
Twice bitten
Should I ask why?

Too much, yet not enough
But close enough
To feel, to touch

Almost there, but not quite
Not quite all
But always right?

Everything, yet no thing at all
Some kind of thing
Known not what to call

Uncertain, confused
Offered
But refused

Once bitten, twice shy
Twice bitten
Wish I knew why

The Voice

Do you know what the definition of insanity is Joseph?” the voice said, in an almost soothing tone, “It’s trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”

It is in fact one of the most remarkable traits of the human race. We just don’t know when to give up.” The voice said, moving to the far left corner of the room; away from the near limp body secured to a wooden chair, under a single flickering bulb. And as the dark figure from which it exuded stood there, silent for a moment, Joe felt like the room was empty. And for one brief moment he was alone. But sadly only for a moment. “Surely by now you see that you can end this pain Joseph. Just tell me what I want to hear.”

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Jazz – Day V – NaPoWriMo 2014

Bound in cloth
Left to die
Was where he was found
By curious eyes

A poor lost soul
Dazed and confused
Wounded and bloody
Mortally abused

Terrified yet friendly
Weak from its trial
Taken in by a stranger
Given strength for a while

Still standing in the morn
Still fighting to live
He has found a family
With love to give

A new lease on life
And a brand new name too
The world may have hurt you, Jazz
But we’ll take care of you

Chapter 3 – Black and White

King to Bishop Nine” Barekvar said through clenched teeth as he fought the searing hot pain shooting across his arm. “I can watch this no longer.” murmured Manor under his breath as he turned and walked away, unable to continue his exposure to the sight of his best friend putting himself through such agony, “He is a fool” he added, wiping the beginnings of a tear from his left eye. “Listen to me Barekvar!” King shouted. “He has your Queen. This is over. Stop your madness.” But despite his friend’s pleas of sanity he played the game of infernal chess with the Serpent King, refusing to see the last of his hope dwindle in the face of his opponent’s end game.

As the scaly foe hissed in laughter and made his next move, drawing the game to its inevitable end the Lady Lazarus walked quietly to the Battlemage’s side. There she stood. Motionless and without speech. “I don’t want to hear it.” Barekvar grunted, swallowing back the urge to burst from his seat or pass out from inflamed agony. “I know,” she said, breathing in a long and heavy sigh, “But you have to.

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NaPoWriMo – Day III – Time

25 years, 6 months and 12 days,
the time that I have walked this earth

Time is a symbol

4 months and 22 days,
the time since I last saw my mother’s face

Time is at once both a healing and divisive thing

2 day and 11 hours
the time since my heart was last broken

Time is mysterious and at the same time so purely simple

2 years and one month,
the time since my heart was last whole

Time moves on whether we can or not

2 day and 12 hours,
the time since I last cried

Time goes forward without us, despite us, beyond us

10 years, 2 months and 23 days,
the time since I last cried and did not feel ashamed

Time is slave to none and in the end, master of all

12 hours,
the time since I last told a lie

Time in endless and yet passes in the blink of an eye

2 day and 16 hours,
the time since I last smiled

Time is a measure of our lives, and a reminder that it will end

Unknown,
the time since I last smiled and meant it

Time is everything and it is nothing

Time is a lie

NaPoWriMo – Day II – Last Night Was A Disaster

Betrayal and angst
Flashes of ire and envy
‘Twas only a kiss

Bruised hands and bodies
Broken spirits and psyche
The pain barely borne

A lonely walk home
Fueling wrath self inflicted
Raging waves crashing

A brother in arms
Tending wounds, giving shelter
Glimpsing the darkness

The morning after
Savage pounding in my head
The black blue and red

Is it all now lost?
The day, the girl, the friendship
Were ever they mine?

Have I hit bottom?
Is now there nowhere but up?
Can I finally stop?

 

Untitled Work (A Sequel)

There are words trapped inside me
They beat fiercely against the inside of my chest
Demanding to be freed
To be let out

But I daren’t let them go
Lest they be seen by eyes
That still hold the power to pierce through my heart
Though they have not looked upon my face in an eon

Lest they bring about the wrath
Of a heart rebuilt
After being torn asunder
Or worse yet, its pity

But their’s is not to listen to reason
Theirs’s is to riot and shake
To throw themselves against the walls of my psyche
To break me, bit by bit

Walls that have been built to keep them quiet
To hide them
Away from the light of day
Behind the facade of a smile

Walls of brick and mortar
Held together by waning will
Walls that serve to ebb the tides
But cannot halt them

One day the levies will break
One day the walls will come crashing down
One day the prisoners will be freed from their icy prison
One day they will tear through

Now there is but the question of when…

I was almost in a good mood, then I went online

I am probably the last person to want to comment on the state of the nation, whatever that nation may be; or talk about the degeneration of society; or get into fights with people over “one man’s terrorist…” and all that bull. I’m not saying I don’t get into those skirmishes once in a while. I’m just saying, I’m not a fan.

And its not that I don’t know whats going. Of course I have opinions. And even though I may not be the most well-informed when it comes to world politics, I know the gist. I log on to the news apps on my phone – Time, The New Yorker, TOI, HT – and I fill myself in on what’s going on. I watch the highlight reel if you will. And more importantly, I listen to what people say and I try to open my mind to new ideas and perspectives.

And trust me I care. It truly causes me physical pain to read some of the things that people say online. And I want so much to comment or try and add to their dialogue, but its just scary and disheartening how some people refuse to open their minds to any opinion other than their own. Of course I care, but sometimes you get to the point where you would rather just log off and let people just be, as long as they don’t get in your face about it. It just feels sometimes likes there is no way to make a difference in the face of the overwhelming tides of ignorance and hate.

The truth is that the internet has forced us to try and actually come to grips with the idea of “The Freedom of Speech” on a level that I do not think humanity could have ever imagined when we first lauded such ideals. With the exception of a few dictatorial and fascist states everyone in the world believes in the right to free speech or expression or the voice of the people – whatever you want to call it. But how far should we go to protect that right? It seems that every time I go online I come across people who say things that I would find truly reprehensible, if I wasn’t genuinely dumbfounded that someone could be that ignorant or biased or hateful. At what point do we need to step in and draw the line between “the freedom of speech” and “the freedom of hate speech”. Traditionally that line is where it hurts someone. But how can you say that someone spewing hate speech online where anyone can access it isn’t hurting people. Sure maybe he doesn’t pick up a knife or a gun himself, but speech like this antagonizes people who are already frustrated and angry and want someone to blame. You may not be putting the gun in their hand, but you are telling them where to aim.

I actually came across a site today that was dedicated to highlighting the “problem” of “Islamic terrorists”. The site has a ticker widget which shows the supposed number of terrorist attacks that have carried out by Islamic Terrorists since 9/11, a scrolling list of various media articles about Muslims getting arrested, a tab which takes you to various “Mohammed Cartoons” and various propaganda advocating the impeachment of “Obozo” – I ‘m presuming you can figure that one out – Clever as it is (sarcastic eye roll). And why did I go onto a site like this? Because I was looking to pick a fight? Because I wanted to reach out as a “peaceful loving Muslim figure”? No! I went there because this particular blog was on WordPress.com’s list of the “Top Blog Posts” of the day – which it suggested I check out. So basically anyone with a wordpress blog may have landed up here today, now matter how old they are. Wonderful! The blog by the way is called “Creeping Sharia” and I suppose in an alternate universe this person would actually be the exact person that he himself villainizes. I mean is he really that far off from the so called hate mongering terrorist leaders who seduce disillusioned young muslim kids into “fighting for a greater cause” so they can be used as pawns in geo-political battles? I was tempted to share some of the comments that people shared on this blog, to really give you an idea of the level of inhumanity that people like this can bring out in people, but I just cannot make myself do it. I do not want to be responsible for someone who should not be exposed to such material seeing hateful things like that on my blog. If you’re actually interested go see for yourself.

So where does that leave us? Laissez-faire? Freedom for everyone and we’ll just have to deal with the abusers? Enlightened despotism like the old Prussian Czars?

I don’t have an answer. I don’t think anyone does. Its not an easy question.

But its sad that great people have lived lives dedicated to fighting for the right for people to stand up to bullies and despots who have kept them down. Great men like Mahatma Gandhi and Pandit Nehru; like George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr.; like Winston Churchill and Voltaire.

I’m not sure why I really wrote this. Its no great treatise on the human condition. Its not a call to arms for people to fight back against hate. I think its just me trying to say, maybe lets not be so angry. Maybe lets try and be a little nicer online. Just because we can say whatever we want, doesn’t mean that we should.

John Milton, an english poet said “Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.” Lets just try and remember to more than just exercise the “argue freely” part.

3 A.M

It is 3 A.M. An unearthly hour by any standard. At this late hour, when the vessel has long since become hollow and empty, the essence leaks forward.

I am Etrigan. I speak with an honesty that etiquette does not allow and society does not accept. When the body is weak from exhaustion, and the wind beaten down by insomnia, I am my strongest. Here, when my mortal host has long lost all will to fight his most primal thoughts, I etch through the sub-concious’ door, as it stands ajar.

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Alternative Ending

There he stood. Face to face with the girl he had said goodbye to all those years ago but had never stopped thinking about. In that one moment that his eyes caught hers he saw his entire life play out before him. He saw the tears in her eyes as he told her he still loved her and always would. He saw himself getting down on one knee in the crowd at a concert as the band played their favorite song. He saw himself waking up next to her smiling face every day for the rest of his life. He saw them old and retired up in the quiet little place in the hills. She really did love the hills. And in that one moment he felt happier than he had ever felt before and so he did something he hadn’t done for a really long time. He smiled. And I don’t mean one of those smiles that you put on for your friends and family so they don’t worry about you. Or that drunken grin you get on your face as you sing along with the song playing in the bar after a few too many pints even though it’s not karaoke night. It was one of those rare smiles where, even though you don’t really have any extraordinary reason to smile, you do anyway, because in that moment, for that fraction of a second, you feel nothing but true content in a way that your mind couldn’t really even begin to understand or express. And wearing that same smile, he turned around and walked away.

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