GloPoWriMo: Day XVIII: Neorhythms

Today NaPoWriMo prompts us to use a few neologisms – briefly, make up some words! So bucklace yourself… something silly this way comes…

What is the sound of laughter
Is a ha ha or guffaw?
Or can it go hee hee
Or hauwa hauwa hauwa

What is the sound of sadness?
A dreary sigh or a puny sssnph
A heavy waaa-aaa-aaah
Or a deep and evil ssssssss

What is the sound of a soul that shatters
Does it go crash or bang?
Or more like a quiet tissshhh
Or kraka-karish-karang

What is the sound of a heart made light?
Is it a mmmm or a phew
The sounds of just nothing
Or a thumpity-thump, tha-pew

What it the sound of creation?
Aha! or Oho! or Yes!
I have it! Or Eureka!
Or a resounding, ba-dum-tsh!

What is the sound of someone making something up?
Is it a poem just like this
With made up words and funny sounds
And an unoriginal ending… ba-dum-tish!

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GloPoWriMo: Day XIV: Edmund the Saint

Okay keeping it short and light today with NaPoWriMo‘s prompt – a Clerihew

And a shout out to fellow Teddies out there. This one’s for the Hall (hope you can forgive me ; p)

Edmund the Saint
So great he ain’t
He picked his nose and ate the boogers
Told his mum, “tastes like Sugar”

So Wrong it was Right: The Play That Goes Wrong (Duchess Theatre, London)

Today I caught the matinée show of ‘The Play That Goes Wrong‘ a brilliantly slap-stick comedy production, currently being staged at the Duchess Theatre in London’s West End. Offering a “play within a play” this play revolves around a disastrously comical (or should I say comically disastrous?) production of ‘A Murder at Haversham Manor’, being staged by the rather amusing (and so familiarly) amateurish the theatre troupe of the ‘Cornley Polytechnic’.

As a warm-up to the show, cast members, playing the crew, ran about the stage and bar area frantically trying to get the stage ready for the “grand opening” (a nervous energy I remember all too well from having staged a number of college performances). And while, running some 15 minutes, it may seem to drag on a bit, this little warm up was a great way to get the crowd ready for the antics and laughs soon to come.

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Joining the Tig Nation – Tig Notaro Live at the O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire

Okay I think a lot fewer people would have “the Mondays” if they managed to stat their week off the way I did – with a superb comedy gig. Stumbling about on LiveNation yesterday, hunting for some fun stuff to do while I’m in London, I came across a comedy gig by Tig Notaro (a known comic if you’re from the States, lesser so here in England or back home in India) and was delighted when there were still tickets available for the show. So of course I booked immediately!

Before I get into her set though, a few words about the support act – Matt Rees. In his own words, his set is all about junk food, sex and drinking – “Are you okay with that? Good. Coz that’s all there is.” I wasn’t familiar with Rees before yesterday, but I’d be happy to come to a show again. He dry humor and often deadpan delivery were a good match up for Tig Notaro’s style, though the content was far blue-er I suppose. If I had to describe him to my friends I’d say, “think Louis C.K meets Milton Jones” – funny, a bit crass, self-deprecating and with lots of confusingly humorous jokes.

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Noddy & Jet – Day XXV – NaPoWriMo 2014

There once was a squirrel named noddy
Who had a teeny tiny body
He wasn’t a threat
To anyone he met
Though his manners were a bit shoddy

Noddy didn’t have many friends
But one day that misery did end
For he met
A sparrow named jet
And their days from then did blend

The pair had a favourite spot
To chill when it was hot
In a tree by the river
A real shade giver
There they’d sit and smoke pot

Having smoked they would sit and laugh
And they’d stuff their faces till they near barfed
Till one day this man
In a big metal can
Came and cut their dear tree in half

Now this made the two quite sad
They thought of all the good times they’d had
In that tree in the shade
The home they had made
And then they got a little mad

So noddy and jet hatched a scheme
To get back at this man most mean
They set his house on fire
And sat on a wire
Laughing as he did burn and scream

Now when this story in motion I did set
This way it would go, you wouldn’t bet
But take this lesson to heart
Before we part
Don’t f*ck with noddy and jet

Roses are Red – Day XIX – NaPoWriMo 2014

So for today’s entry for the NaPoWriMo challenge I’m going old school – By which I mean I’ve decided to go back to the form most of us adopted for our very first poem as children – Some will be cheesy, some will (hopefully) be funny, and inevitably some will just be lame : p – Let’s see if we can’t have some fun with this…

(These are meant to be read as separate poems)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This poem might be basic
But it’s what I want to do

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This may sound cheesy
But I wuv you

Apples are red
Oranges are orange
I can’t complete this rhyme
Because nothing rhymes with orange

Roses are grey
Violets are grey
Everything is grey
I think I’m colourblind

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a lawyer
Touch me and I’ll sue!

The roses are violet
The violets are talking
The sky is pink
This is some good acid

Roses aren’t red
Violets aren’t blue
This the matrix
They’re all lying to you!

Roses are red
Bruises are black and blue
You shouldn’t have been texting
Behind the wheel you fool!

Roses are red
Violets are indigo
If you think this is easy
Try giving it a go!

Wow, those were a lot harder than I thought they would be… Well, hope you liked ’em : )

Funny Street Signs

They say art is only defined by our own personal limits (They in this case being an amorphous amalgamation of nondescript personage that I have clubbed together and ascribed a random saying to for my own narrative purposes).

It can take many forms and serve any purposes – to shock, to delight, to disgust, to placate, to amuse. Well, in the streets of Florence I saw one artist’s hand at work all over town, doing the last of these. What began with an amusing double-take on one street corner turned into a hunt for similar signage all over town. I share here some of my favorite examples of… Art? Graffiti? Childish pranks? Public disobedience? You decide.

And of course these particular kinds of signs aren’t exclusive to Firenze, look out for some in your own city. Who knows what you may find…

More Djibouti Jokes

The first batch of Djibouti (pronounced jee-boo-ti) Jokes were so popular, and I had so much fun thinking of them, that I decided to do a follow-up post with some more. Some of these are just humorous double-entendres that popped into my head, while others are actual quotes off the wiki page for Djibouti ; p

Here’s hoping I don’t make an ass of myself… ; p

  1. There have been mass evacuations due to gas leaks in Djibouti.
  2. Did you know that the gravitational force is particularly strong in Djibouti? That’s right, Djibouti pulls you right in…
  3. I just got a work contract with a company in Djibouti. Now Djibouti keeps me really busy.
  4. Djibouti is largely concerned with the service sector.
  5. Djibouti has a growth rate of 4.5% annually.
  6. It seems a massive earthquake has left a giant crack down the middle of Djibouti (I almost fell into it!)
  7. Djibouti contains some 820 species of plants…
  8. It seems the new PM has some major plans to re-shape Djibouti
  9. Djibouti can’t figure out why it seems to be the butt of so many jokes in the UN…

If you missed the first batch, here they are – Djibouti Jokes

 

My Top 10 Song Parodies

Everyone loves a good parody. Whether they’re just fooling around, having a laugh at the expense of the original artist or making an entire career out of it, the work of parodists is often appreciated, though many of them will never really claim the same fame as the songs they parody. Here’s a list of some of my favorite parody songs. I’ve tried to give links to official channels where I can (don’t want to infringe any making available rights here!). Where there’s no link I’m afraid you’ll have to search for yourself.

10. Bohemian Rhapsody (The Muppets) – Coming in at number 10 is the interesting spoof of Queen’s masterpiece by the ever-lovable Muppets. Its fun to watch and definitely makes some interesting creative choices.

9. White and Nerdy (Weird Al Yankovic) – The king of parodies. This man has made a massive career out of making fun of other people’s hits, to the point where it’s practically considered a badge of honor to have him parody one of your songs. It’s no wonder he’s makes the list with three different entries.

8. The Star Wars that I Used to Know (Teddie Films) – The Key of Awesome does some awesome work. Along with their brilliant parodies they also some cool original songs. This one is particularly hard to watch with a straight face. Han shot first!

7. Amish Paradise (Weird Al Yankovic) – Seriously this man has some serious talent. I don’t know how he pulls this stuff off.

6. Galactic Empire State of Mind (College Humor) – It seems Alicia Keys and Jay-Z’s release spurred quite a few parodies. This is one of two that have made my list. And its the second of three Star Wars parodies. Yes I may have some bias towards them.

5. Somebody that I Used to know (Key of Awesome) – One of Key of Awesome’s best ones for sure, I laugh out loud every time I watch it.

4. The Saga Begins (Weird Al Yankovic) – Though not the most hilarious of Al’s works, this definitely has one of the best videos. And yes, more Star Wars!

3. Look at This Instagram – (College Humor) – Though the most recently watched of any of the songs on this list, this is one of my favorites. It’s probably more popular than the Nickelback song it’s based on.

2. Newport State of Mind (M-J Delaney) – The second of the Empire State of Mind parodies. It is majorly hilarious. It went viral in 2010 but was taken off YouTube after EMI put forward a copyright claim. There are still some versions up on the site I think, but I wasn’t able to source a licensed version so no link I’m afraid: (

1. I Gotta Feeling (College Humor) – Coming in at number 1 is College Humor’s parody of the Black Eyed Peas smash hit “I Gotta Feeling”. Its well shot and pretty funny. Reminds me of some of the parties I’ve thrown/attended in the past ; p

There’s No Candlelight Vigils For Dead 50 Year Old Fat Guys

WARNING: This post includes mature language and some obscene references. If you are not of suitable age or likely to be offended by graphic imagery please do not read on.

I’ve been watching Louis CK’s shows for years now. I even watched every single episode of his TV Series “Louie”. Frankly, I love the guy. So when I heard this amazing stand up comedian from New York was playing London I absolutely flipped! And I was so psyched when I managed to get some tickets to his show at the Hammersmith Apollo – I’ve written about this venue before – it really is one of my favorite venues in the city.

You know how when you build something up in your head it can disappoint you when it actually happens in real life? Well this was NOT one of those cases. I was literally in tears within minutes of him starting his set. I mean there’s something about his delivery and his material that you don’t really need to be eased into it. No warm up act – just him walking onto stage and starting with the hilarity. For the first 20 minutes or so I couldn’t really believe I was actually there watching him live. It felt surreal. I guess to some extent my brain still thinks like I’m in India. Just a year ago I couldn’t have even imagined I would be watching one of my favorite comics live!

I’d like to tell you that you should all go as a family and watch him, but that might leave me liable for seriously traumatizing your children. Louis CK comes off as a really nice guy, but his jokes are really rather crude and make you cringe (while at the same time laughing your ass off). There literally seems to be NOTHING that is off-limits – Parents murdering their children, celebrating in a Cancer ward, Slavery… At one point he actually mimed a handjob – to completion! My friend, who accompanied me to the show, compared him to Jimmy Carr. I would make the distinction that while Jimmy Carr comes off as horrible person, Louis CK is more like a nice guy who says some genuinely horrible things.

But to be fair, he rips on himself as much as he goes after anyone else. You have to love how confidently he walks onto stage and calls himself a fat useless fuck – thus the title of the post. I loved one bit where he said if you’re an unattractive young guy, don’t worry, it gets better. You just have to wait for her circumstances to match your ugliness. As long as you’re relatively well employed and bath once in a while, apparently you’ll be fine – (in his words) Pussy+Time/Income Squared

I have to admit, once in a while I have some pretty fucked up thoughts in my head too (Too bad I chose to be a lawyer instead of a stand up comic). But, in the words of the wise and masterfully funny Louis CK, “It’s okay to have bad thoughts. As long as the good thoughts win.”